This Last Little Lament

September 27, 2011

Something trivial that will always annoy me: When people grab others’ attention with something that’s supposed to display their emotional or intellectual depth, when in reality the statement they make is completely standard to everyone.

Example 1: When someone gets a tattoo that says “Love”.

What is that all about? Are you trying to show how much you like love, or that love is super important to you? Hmm, well that’s strange… you like love? I didn’t know anyone else did. What is this love anyways? Never heard of it. Maybe if I was more deep and thoughtful like you I could attempt to comprehend why this “love” thing is so great. Golly, I hope that someday the rest of us can understand the meaning behind this word just like you do!

The same goes for things like “Music” or “Friendship”.

Like, oh, I see that you enjoy music. You really must show me your catalog of music sometime! I mean, since you’ve got that tattoo you must enjoy YOUR music much more than I enjoy mine, to the point at which you couldn’t help but get a permanent reminder of that fact!  Really, I wasn’t aware that anybody else liked music. What an interesting tattoo.

Example 2: When someone posts a status on facebook like this one:

“My Confessions #6: I think that you should only say “I Love You” if you truly mean it.” 

That’s inspiring. So you’re saying that you SHOULDN’T lie and tell someone that you love them? You know, I’d never thought about it that way, but you’re right! All my life I’ve been going up to strangers willy nilly and telling them that I love them. On the street? I LOVE YOU! In the bathroom? I LOVE YOU! But now you’ve shown me how wrong I’ve been all these years. Thank you for the wisdom, you stupid fucking girl person. I truly admire your courage; coming out with this confession of yours couldn’t have been easy.

Example 3: Okay so I don’t have a third example in mind, but you get the idea!

I’m not usually one to hate on personal expression, but if you’re visible in the public eye (or on the internet, WHICH IS PUBLIC) and you want to seem intelligent or profound, try to avoid saying things that literally everyone else on Earth isn’t already thinking. Be unique.

Chain Letters

June 11, 2010

I’ve always been a bit of a follower when it comes to internet trends. MySpace, LiveJournal, facebook, YouTube, I’ve had accounts for all the major players in recent history, and took part in all their subsequent internet activities. But one element of the electronic social realm that I’m happy to say I have NEVER been a part of is chain letters.

I saw one today on a random facebook page, and although it pained me to realize that these beasts still exist, I must say it was probably the funniest chain letter I’ve ever read. Here it is:

“Hello. My name is Stacey. I am 15 years old and I am beat up by my parents every night. I have blodshot eyes and moldy hair. I killed my mother. My lips are cut and my nose is broken. This is my story. Every day my parents abuse me by cutting me or just beating me up. Once my mother got mad at me and she taped my mouth shut and locked me in a tiny room with no food and water for 2 days. When she let me out, I strangled her and killed her. The cops came and took me to a mental hospital. I murdered my doctor and some of the other patients and I broke out. While I was running I was shot by a cop and died. BUT I wasn’t done. I came back for one reason, to kill my father that also abused me. If you don’t post this to at least 5 other groups, I will murder you one day this week. Why do I care about this text? Well it warns the non beleivers and my father. You wonder how I am typing this? I am ghost I can control energy, I am capable of typing on a computer by making myself solid. You think I cant find you? I track these done and I will teleport into your room and stand there for 2 hours then stand over your face. You will look right into my souless eyes and I will murder you”

I have to say, for a 15-year-old girl Stacey isn’t very well versed in English. She constantly switches between the past and present tenses when describing her frequent beatings by her parents, who have apparently already been killed? Her spelling isn’t great either; her eyes are blodshot, she’s warning the non beleivers, she is ghost, she tracks these done, and has souless eyes.
Also, she seems to be a very indecisive spirit, as she will murder you “one day this week.” Not any certain day, mind you, just whenever she gets around to it. And once she is in your room she will stand there for 2 hours before murdering you. Why would she do that, to increase the suspense? You can’t get scared if you’re asleep anyways. And just imagine the endurance it would take to stand still in one spot for 2 hours. How boring! What an awful spirit.
Furthermore, her claimed ability to teleport is actually not that impressive. Since a non-matter ghost wouldn’t technically take up space, it could be classified as a form of energy and therefore could easily jump from one spot to another in a seemingly instantaneous amount of time. She’s merely claiming to have the powers of a ghost, which for a ghost isn’t that amazing.
Anyways, clearly the chain letter still thrives and it’s anyone’s guess how. I can’t help but cringe when I see the occasional middle schooler post one on a facebook group. I thought by now such indulgements would have lost their draw? Apparently not. Regardless, please stop spamming my social networks with these creatures. When they aren’t hilarious like this one, they can be quite irksome.