Watcha’ Got in There?

November 2, 2010

I mentioned to a friend that I hadn’t blogged in a while, and they suggested that I write a blog about the contents of my pockets. I told them that was the most retarded idea I’d ever heard.

So… here we go.

Left Pocket

1. enV3 – My cell phone is my most trusted friend (besides my bottled companion, Morgan) to whom I relay all my speakings to the outside world.  He keeps me informed on where people are, what they’re doing, and people’s theories as to why it smells like weed in the hallway. He tells me what time it is, and (usually) makes sure I get out of bed for class. Since calendars are the way of the 20th century, he holds all my appointments and exam dates, as well as reminders to email that professor about that thing. He even reminds me to put my laundry in the dryer after 32 minutes. In general he helps me get shit done.

2. Room Key/Lanyard – A thin black string with a key on the end. I don’t wear the lanyard around my neck (I ain’t no freshman) but the fact that the key has something larger attached to it means I’m less likely to lose it. My room key helps me get into 7-0-FUN, which is great, but the fact that I keep him in my left pocket means that he sometimes scratches against enV3, which enV3 does not appreciate. However, their status as roommates is forced due to the contents of the right pocket.

Right Pocket

1. Wallet – Although he used to live in my back pocket, an strange and unfounded fear of being pick-pocketed last year caused me to relocate him to the New World that was the right side of my leg. There he rests waiting to be plucked out of his shell in the hopes of providing me with money, my UCard, or occasionally my license. My favorite things inside him include my Red Cross card that lists me as A+ blood type (A-plus, bitches), a wallet-sized note from old friend reminding me to be responsible in college, and a Domino’s Pizza gift card which to this day I have no idea where it came from (it honestly just appeared one day, like magic). However, despite how useful he is, his size makes him bulky and cumbersome, which means he cannot be stored in the same pocket as my other large accessory, enV3. They must remain in separate pockets. This leaves room for Wallet’s partner in crime, Pen.

2. Pen – A normally hard-working individual, he usually spends his time taking notes and doing homework. When the work is at a pause, however, he’s prone to release some aggression, usually in the form of wall conversations, such as on bathroom stalls. Someone writes “lifes a bitch”, someone else responds “your moms a bitch”, Pen says “My mom is a phys-ed teacher.” Yea, he’s pretty bad-ass.

EnV3 and Wallet can’t be roommates because of their size, but since Key and Pen are small objects they make good pairings with their larger counterparts. Pen must be on my right side because I’m right handed, and enV3 can’t be paired with Pen because those are my two most frequently used items, so I like them to be in separate pockets. It’s sort of an OCD thing. Therefore, enV3 must be on my left side. This is why he is paired with Key on the left and Wallet is paired with Pen on the right.

A-PLUS, BITCHES!

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