Before I Go…

August 28, 2010

For all intents and purposes, this summer has been flawless. I saw my old friends, had a beautiful six weeks at my home-away-from-home, and got a reliable job with decent pay. I laughed a lot, and got closer to some people than I ever thought I would. Everything has been utterly fantastic.

But I’m not ready for it to end.

I’m leaving for school in 8 days, and I know that this final week will be the hardest one to get through.

A few nights ago I saw all of my high school friends together for the first time in months. I loved talking to the people I’d been missing because of camp and work, and although we’d been apart all summer it felt like no time had passed at all. It was a very pure kind of happy.

As they all eventually left the house one by one, a slight feeling of loneliness crept up on me. Later, on the drive home, I realized how very alone I was. They were all going off to school, and I was still 10 days away from my own journey. They were gone, and I was here. A pathetic idea, mulled over again and again in my brain until it became too much to bear.

I pulled off onto the next street I saw, parked my car, shut off the engine, and listened to my iPod for a good 15 minutes before continuing on. There was nothing wrong, nothing out of place, I just needed to stop and think. I filtered through all of my most lasting memories from the summer and listed them off to myself. I re-lived every moment, remembering how happy I was in that instant, then sorted each one away. I needed closure on the summer, because I really don’t think I was prepared for it to end. And I only realized that night that it was ending.

I wish I had more time to spend with my friends. All of them. I’m excited for this new year of school, but I’m not ready to part ways with them yet. So much has gone unsaid between us throughout the years, and I hope that someday soon I can change that.

One more summer gone. One more innocence ended. One more sunset.

Now I’m just waiting for the sunrise.

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